Friday, November 19, 2010

Jew Litmus Test

If you are a Jew, and you think someone else might be a Jew but aren't sure, the general way to preface asking, "Are you a Jew?" is to insert a Yiddish word into conversation and then see if the person responds in kind. The Yiddish word can't be a part of the common lexicon, it must be one step removed from American English.

Example 1:

Statement- "Let's see if we've got a minyan in there"

Response if you are a Jew- "Of course there is, because I decided I could just wear this schmatta."

Response if you are not a Jew- "I think there's a bunch of people in there. "

Alternate response if you are not a Jew- "What?"

(Please note: If you are a Jew, you don't have to respond with a statement that makes sense. You just have to make sure you jam a Yiddish word in there.)

Example 2:

Statement- "What the hell's that mishegas happening up at the corner?"

Response if you are a Jew- "Russell kvetching about Gloria's cats."

Response if you are not a Jew- "It's just Russell."

Alternate response if you are not a Jew- "What?"

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