Zoe Strauss's current worries in order:
2. ability to produce work that can be edited into something cohesive about the BP catastrophe
3. the actual BP catastrophe
4. my chronic problems with taxes and bill paying, all of my own making and seeming not controlled by medication... looking like it can only be fixed with years of behavioral talk therapy and what the hell good is that going to do me? I'm 40. Hey, I just got it together to pay the electric bill without having a nervous breakdown! Damn it, I'm on my death bed!
5. 3 of the 4 above worries are included in the over all worry of "not being a good wife to the greatest and most supportive person in the world, aka, Lynn Bloom" The most current manifestation of this worry is best exemplified by this statement,
"Listen honey, I hope you mind that I don't have a job on the horizon and I'm using what money I have to go to the Gulf to record some of what's happening with this environmental disaster. And I'm not really sure how this work will turn out, it might not be successful, but I'm still doing it so do you mind taking care of the house, all the finances, and all the household responsibilities while I head into a toxic mess where you won't know where I am? I'll be driving through the Delta, rural Louisiana and maybe Alabama and Florida or maybe Texas and meeting up with strangers by myself. I'll call when I stop at an Arby's or something."
Also, new on my list of "what the hell?" is not being able to stop talking to myself. It's now turned into me humming all the time to prevent the full fledged insanity of talking to myself outside of my own home. Now I just hum what I'm saying to myself, which means I'm humming all the time, kind of like Peanuts teachers talking but replacing their nonsensical talk noise with a humming nonsensical talk noise.