Monday, February 01, 2010

So how is it going with finishing up I-95? Well, I honestly think I have never been so beset with anxiety and fear in my life. I feel like I did after going to see Blair Witch. Seriously, filled with an unbelievable dread. Off and on for the last 3 days I have been sweating and nauseous. Sleeping problems. My stomach jumps. My heart has been pounding... not tachycardia, but rather a sudden speed up of my heart like I know fucking Dracula is rounding a corner to kill me. They're no joke and they are as real as the day is long.

There's no direct thought that corresponds to these physical symptoms. It's not like, "I'm so worried about xxx," it's just the physical symptoms. I'm going with a mix of deep breathing, xanax and bejeweled blitz to combat this anxiety. I've had crazy anxiety symptoms before, not nearly as bad but still something that forced being noticed. The last times that seemed serious were a month before I showed the first slideshow at the community center and while I was working on America, so I'm fairly certain that these "scared shitless" physical symptoms are directly related to my work.

I think this post ends with something like "C'est La Vie" or "onwards" or something but I don't know what it is.


ruben said...

Zoe :
Ten Years later...go with the flow. This is the last one!
Maybe is the fear and anxiety that is over and you are worrying about what is next. Enjoy,embrace it and go 4 the the last i-95

ZS said...

Thanks Ruben... I think that's what it is, what's next, and the ending of this life consuming project that has feels like it has no work/life separation, and the worry about wondering if it's the best I could have done. I'm pretty sure by the time I start printing the anxiety will be over and I'll be both happy and laser focused.

Also, you are awesome!