Friends, I have been working toward May 2, 2010 for 10 years now and have reached a point where my head is going to explode. The construction of the final installation is in full effect but larger questions are omnipresent. Actually they're best described as "intrusive thoughts." Obviously, I've devoted a lot to this project and think it's successful, but I can't stop having anxiety about as to why this work matters. I'm not interested in examining why I was driven to produce the work, I'm happy to keep that unconscious. But, Jesus H. Christ, "does this work matter" is just the tip of the iceberg. I worry about I how much I ask of the participants in the portraits and I worry about asking either too much or too little of the readers. I worry about making sure that I'm producing and placing the work so it can be read on many levels. I could list an endless number of concerns. Ad nauseam.
To be honest, "I worry" is about a 1/3 of the time and "I'm thinking about" is 2/3 of the time. I'm not including sleep here in this worry/thinking pie chart, but ruminating is certainly happening during regular sleep and somnolence.